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Being a disabled woman, I have battled with body image issues. When I was younger, I rarely saw disabled people in the media. If there were some disabled representations in the media, it was very limited, someone who uses a wheelchair but still has mobility in the upper body or someone with invisible disability. I rarely saw disabled people who look like me. Growing up I assumed that since my body is shaped differently due to me having Ullrich Musulcar Dystorphy, I would not be considered beautiful or desirable. Whenever I tried to talk to people about these issues, it only results in those telling me that I should “love myself more” or “be more confident”. I want people to be aware of how the unrealistic beauty standard has affected disabled people's idea of what beauty is.
Body image and looks play a significant role in how we feel about ourselves. Now since many people are exposed to the media, more people are trying to fill the gap between what we’re “supposed” to look like and what we truly look like. People often try to achieve or live up to the beauty standards that society has designed for us to live by. When people are unable to live up to those standards, they start to have low self-esteem and reject their natural bodies.
Ableism has contributed to disabled people developing negative body image and believing their bodies to be unattractive. Society views having a disability as only a life of suffering, pain, and illness. This mindset causes disability to be seen as undesirable and unattractive. This created the harsh stereotype that disabled people need to be “fixed” or eliminate the disability to be attractive and desirable.
For years, I truly believed that my disability had a negative impact on my attractiveness and felt that no longer being a wheelchair user would make me more attractive. I questioned why can’t disabled people be both attractive and beautiful. It is possible! I started to unlearn the harsh stereotype about desirability and disability and accepted myself for who I am. Yes, I have to use a wheelchair but I’m a hottie on wheels and no one can change my mind about that.
I know some disabled people struggle with their body image and there are still times I do also, I want to help share some tips about ways to unlearn the harsh stereotype that disabled people are unattractive and undesirable because disabled people deserve to be cozy with who they are.
Accepting and fully loving your body
- You do not need to change your disabled body to appear more attractive. You already are! Being able-bodied doesn’t guarantee attractiveness because ability and attractiveness don’t correlate with each other. Learn to accept your body and give it the love that it deserves. The way I learned to accept my disabled body was by doing mirror work. I would often look at myself in the mirror (works best when you’re in your birthday suit) and compliment the parts of my body that I love. Doing this exercise allowed me to see that I loved my body more than I thought and I started to become more comfortable with it. Shopping also helped me love my body because instead of trying to hide it, I bought clothes that embraced my body the best way possible and made me feel beautiful. Also, giving myself grace throughout my journey of accepting my disabled body because the process is nonlinear which is okay. I do not need to love my body all the time because I’m still human but it’s important to not stay in that place for a long period of time. Part of loving and accepting your body is understanding that you have a disability but your body does the best it can to keep you alive so you can show off your sexiness!
Work on receiving and accepting compliments
- If you already believe you are not attractive and desirable, receiving compliments can feel uncomfortable. It’s important to learn how to accept compliments because there are people in the world who see the beauty in (and on) you. When someone compliments you, say “thank you so much” or “I really appreciate it”. I started doing this when people gave me compliments because I realized when I would deflect a compliment, it would impact my self-esteem and self-worth. Yes, they know you’re disabled and believe you are attractive! I know at that moment you may not believe it but accepting those compliments can help you see that your disability doesn’t make you less attractive and desirable.
Talk to a disabled friend
- Talking to friends who are also disabled can help you understand that you’re not alone and your negative feelings about your body are valid. Your disabled friends can give you advice on becoming more confident within yourself and provide support as you go through this journey of learning to love your disabled body. Your disabled friends are also some of the best hype people you will ever have because we believe in uplifting each other.
Stop comparing yourself
- When people say, “comparison is the thief of joy”, THEY ARE NOT LYING! Comparing yourself to abled-bodied people can lead to feeling poorly about yourself and having shame in being disabled. You truly do not gain anything from comparing yourself to people, but you have much to lose such as your confidence, your joy, peace, and happiness. It can seem impossible not to compare yourself especially when you’re on social media being bombarded by what society says is beautiful or acceptable. I would suggest cleanse your social media feed of any pages that make you feel bad about yourself, and follow pages or content creators that bring you confidence. I also would suggest joining a group of people who are similar to you. I am part of the LiberBABES community where they sell adaptive lingerie but also are dedicated to uplift ALL disabled women. Their instagram focuses on making sure to let disabled women know that they’re beautiful, sexy, and powerful. Joining a group that focuses on uplifting and empowering disabled people can help you not compare yourself to others.
Do not allow society's unrealistic standards to make you feel shameful about yourself. Yes, that abled-bodied person is beautiful and so are you with your disability.
Understand that beauty can be disabled
- Yes, beauty can be disabled. The best thing about beauty is that it’s subjective. There is no rule as to what beauty is. You define what beauty is for yourself. Yes, your disabled body is beautiful. Yes, you are desirable with your disability. Yes, there are people out there who believe you are freaking HOT! Yes, you deserve to feel comfortable with who you are. You do not need to change yourself or be “cured” to seem beautiful. Do not allow society to exclude you from being beautiful because you deserve to feel and know that you are the BADDEST out here!
